Depression
5? I can't really tell the age when I first got sexually assaulted by a neighbour
I still clearly remember the incident
How I just finished bathing, tying my towel and he came and and touched me on my V
Never told anybody till today
I don't know but ever since then I always get the urge to have sex
I grew up with my paternal grandparents
Never knew my mum even though she is alive
Heard she left cause she had issues with my dad
So I couldn't really tell anyone what was going on in my life
I found ways to satisfy myself anytime the urge came
I grew up with it
Started watching porn to satisfy myself more
Was never happy doing it
Sometimes I cry after it but I just couldn't stop
15 years old and I was still looking like 10
All my friends looking cute and mature
They always body shame me because I have a dry chest
Started wearing brazier to make myself feel better and among
I just wanted to be in their league
Make male friends and all that
But I never dated
Guys did ask me out but I couldn't because I knew I didn't have the body they want
They will eventually leave anyways
But then I met this guy
He was cool and caring
Made me happy
We became best friends
He asked me for a relationship quite a number of timebut I always turned him down
Felt if he saw the real me he wouldn't like me anymore
So I just wanted to keep the friendship flowing
But who knew that few moments of happiness would ruin me to this extent
We lived in the same Street, after chatting for a couple of weeks or months
Finally visited him
I wasn't comfortable, wanted to leave after a few minutes but he asked me to stay for a bit
We did *** videos together and he kissed me
I didn't resist it, but then he started making advances
That's when I came back to my senses
Tried to push him off but he wouldn't let go
Although there were no neighbours around but I could have atleast screened right? .
I could have fought harder right?
But I actually did try, I pushed him , I cried I begged him
I really begged him 💔
But then he still went ahead
Maybe he taught I was a loosed girl
When he tried and I felt that sharp pain amidst tear he stopped
I left there and acted as though nothing happened
Lol 💔
Who knew just that was enough to get me pregnant
❤️
Before then I've always been having irregular menses
So when I got admission to school I continued my life
Missed my period but didn't take it serious, I taught it was my normal irregular menses, I didn't want to think too much about it
I was too busy with school and had no time
But after 3 month I did a pregnancy test and it came out positive!!!
Like wtf!?
How !? I never had sex with anybody so how come I was pregnant?
I. Was scared, confused, broken, lost
I cried my life all through
Told my friend about it and she suggested an abortion
Well.. Went to see a doctor and he charged 60 thousand naira!!
Where was I suppose to get such amount of money
Plus he said it was risky
Later gave up on the idea because even the few friends I asked for financial help wanted sex first, but I still couldn't tell my family
What do I tell them?
Who the *** was even the father
I finally told them when I was already 5 month gone
They contacted my mum and told her about it
But lol 💔 she said I should go remove it and that she doesn't care how dangerous it is
Wow!💔
Told the guy about it when I was already 6 month gone
But he denied it, I couldn't blame him, cause we never really had sex then plus we stopped talking ever since
So how was he suppose to accept it ?
Nobody believed me, they all said I must have been living a wayward life in school to not know the father of my child
It was difficult been alone, having no emotional support
Well I continued schooling and after one year I gave birth to a baby girl through CS
Went through a whole different round of *** training her, she is two presently and I'm sick
Was diagnosed with a complex ovarian cyst
Well, found out all this while I have been having irregular menses it was actually because of the cyst
Right now I'm completely drained
Tired of everything, tired of living I feel I can't take it anymore
I feel left behind, I feel lost, I just want to run away 😭
Somewhere farrr away from the world
Doctor is suggesting a surgery for me
Another surgery at age 20??
I can't, I have no strength again
I don't even know my self anymore
I look so skinny
I can't look at the mirror because I don't ever see myself
All my friends are living their lives
I don't even have anybody to talk to
I feel so lost, I feel used
Dear Sex is a part of life but it is important also.
Your age is very soft now as you can't see the pros and cons of sex in this age. In everyone's life it happens. If anything misshapen it will create trouble in your career too. You have beautiful time ahead and look after your career and enjoy sex with no depression. It is nothing worried to be.
Hey sorry to hear that how can I help you
Thanks..😊
Just needed to let some things out
@exuberantpear9216
The things you’ve been through are not okay. But I applaud you for trucking through it no matter what life has thrown at you. You have done so much that most people won’t see. You truly are amazing for being able to come through all that. I hope you’re doing better now and I hope the surgery goes well. When it comes to your body and self image keep in mind that everyone will almost always be able to find things wrong with themselves, but you can work to fix whatever you think is wrong, it just takes time. If you ever need someone to talk to I may not be the most qualified but I’m here.
I so much appreciate this 🥺💖
Thank you very much 🥰
