Depression

I’ve been struggling with symptoms of depression for a very long time. It hasn’t gotten better at all. I been having bad thoughts that ruin my mood every time. I’ve been self harming before but thankfully I’ve been self harm free. It would be so bad to wake up in the mornings and sometimes I just want to lay in my bed forever and I just want to blend in and become the bed. It’s like I have no support from family members or friends at all. I’ve been doing risky things and I have no sense of urgency or value for myself of anything around me. I’ve been having deep bad thoughts to the point it would lead me to attempt. I can’t even talk to a counselor without them telling my parents all the time. I would zone out so much and feel so numb and sad very often sometimes with no reason. So that’s a glimpse in my mind.