Depression can be difficult because sometimes you try to tell people and they don't seem to understand how deep you are in the hole.
Depression doesn't start from nothing, the majority of time. In my case, it started from giving too much to the world and not getting it in return, which has made me feel selfish that I even have the expectation.
The feeling of selfishness makes me feel even worse. At first there's a voice in your head saying "you deserve better" but eventually that voice gets worn out from trying to convince you so much. Once that voice is gone, the only thing left are the millions of others which seem to be only the one's who look down at you.
You try to flip the script and convince yourself that those voices are wrong and the one who got tired is right. You try to push yourself into the light so you can get that voice back. You try in every way imaginable but then you try reaching out to the ones who don't understand because that's all you have close to you. This leaves you feeling the same exact way you did when it started, a constant cycle..
A part of me knows that there are people in the world who care. This network is a perfect example of that. But, in the real world, where are they? While don't they speak out publicly like you do? Well the answer is they do, it's just they are in a similar cycle which makes them difficult to find.
Just like you, choosing to suppress their feelings in public..
@JosephM1997
I do agree with you.
More people need to speak out.
To advocate for mental health.
To shine a light on the struggles that people go through.
Depression can take everything from us and take all our strength to heal 💙
@JosephM1997
It’s complicated and you already know a lot about how much.
It seems that we need real belonging more than average. Maybe because we are to aware of it and we can’t be distracted with substitutes?
Why it is not abundant? I try to contemplate it sometimes carrying a wish to help on that. Maybe it’s too easy for those voices to get drained like yours? Maybe cause we find out early that it’s often not safe? And then, it takes time to learn how to be real without losing?
What do you think?
You're right, it's complicated. I can't speak for others but I have a massive problem with over analyzing and one of the things I over analyze is how people are so put a mask on. The majority of time it's people that don't have a demeaning voice in their head, or at least I do see it in them because they learned to hide it with ego but whenever I see this, I run because I'd rather have authenticity than an act of judgement. Also, it does take time to learn how to not be affected by it.
Like you stated, it's complicated. On one hand I'm on this constant search to find love in the world but during those travels all I find is more negative voices.
Imagine you're in a bubble. Outside of the bubble are people smiling and being kind to each other. You can hear know they are there but you're bound by this bubble. Inside the bubble is chaos, complete mayhem. You know you don't belong inside the bubble but the bubble is invincible, soundproof and a one way glass. You can see the outside but they can't see you. You can make all the noise you want but they can't hear you, only the one's inside the bubble can..
@JosephM1997
This bubble sounds very lonely and disheartening.
Can you help me understand if you run cause
you see people hide their judgement behind a fake smile
or you see they don’t have a problem with judgement but something else with ego?
