Empty void

I feel like i have an empty void that i cant fill with lust, greed, or anything else. As a kid, I

Was told to "man up" and not to show sadness or cry. If i did my father would call me a "***"

Now i dont want to be near anyone. The only that seems to fill the hole is video games

But that Does not last long. after my frends log off, i cry myself to sleep

Do You have any advice?