Everything sucks

Growing up, my parents have moulded me into someone I barely know. It feels so different from what I am like, and those two personalities inside me clash often. I am not diagnosed with DID. It's just how it feels. Their teachings I have always taken positively. I can say that I was kind of proud of who I was until they decided to split up. The qualities my mother put into me were hated by my father and the same happened when I ran away to my mother after I was being mistreated there. I was so happy until I realised my mother hated me for having qualities like my father. I am a psychology student and I have been observing that she has been showing signs of depression. As anybody aware would, I tried to talk to her, help her around, and make her participate in anti-stress activities...All I got in return was having things thrown at me, loads of yelling and shrieking, including listening to things no child should ever listen to from their parents. She hated herself for giving birth to me. I am hurt. My boyfriend and I got physical after a two-year relationship, and she found out. She grounded me for life. No friends. No going out. Deleted my socials. Took away my notepad which I used to cope with stress. Its been ***. I didnt have much freedom to begin with, going out only once in two or three months. I dont know what to do. I have been losing interest in everything I used to like, my sleep schedule is messed up and I have gained weight, and I dont like it. Its just as living in a cage. A month ago I was very suicidial and even practised self harm. My mother was so upset she tried to hang herself. I have completely given up on helping her as I cant even help myself.