Ex GF help
I’m 23 M and I’ve been having a really hard time with everything lately. The biggest struggle I’ve been having has to do with my ex (we just broke up two months ago). During our almost 4 year relationship, she made it a point that it was important for me to get along and make friends with her friends. I had no problem with that. I found out tonight that one of her guy friends that I had become friends with and bonded over similar interests has been seeing her, spending the night with her, holding hands with her, etc. (we aren’t close at all but I still valued our friendship and had trust in him when me and her were dating). I don’t know what to do about all this because I feel so *** about it all. Makes me think about how maybe she had been seeing him while we were dating, or if not seeing him, at least had the thought about it. It has been tearing me apart and makes me feel worthless and easily replaceable. Anyone have any advice or help for me to get through this?
@Bshay23
Things like this are always hard to get through because it feels like cheating or something like that. But you don’t know if he was just a good friend or something more. Either way, you have to accept that this relationship was what it was. That’s just how it is. The rest is just emotions. Don’t drive yourself crazy. You did the best you could in this relationship. Maybe now you’ll start to see relationships differently. If you’re going through negative and destructive emotions right now, I understand where you’re coming from. Let that be on your ex’s and her friend’s conscience. You’re in the clear. You were a good guy. It takes time to calm down. But don’t let this define who you are as a person. You’re not the person others make you out to be.
@Bshay23
I imagine it must feel really bad. I see how it might feel like betrayal. At least, there is a chance it started after you and her broke up. Did she had feelings for him earlier? You might never find out. Feelings are a complicated thing. You might not like what I will say but I think that even if she broke up with you because she realized she had feelings for the other guy, then it would be the most respectful thing to do. From what you say, I hope it was just that. There is no guarantees, yes. It might sound unbelievable, but you can get through this without knowing everything. Why? If it was more messy, it would be speaking about their weaknesses not your worth. So maybe, you don’t need to know everything about their weaknesses now, since you are no longer hoping to build life depending on them? Yes, the two of you broke up and she is moving on. Is it bad? It must hurt you like ****. But she decided she wants something else from life. It might even work well for her. Still, maybe what is important is that you now have yourself to focus on. That you get a chance to meet someone with whom you are a better match. It’s ok if it doesn’t change how you feel right away. But you can move yourself towards it at your own pace and respecting your own feelings.
What if you try to reflect on what matters to you, what do you want from life, if there is something you would like to do differently going forward?