Family, School, friends and me problem

I am 16 years old, call me by my nickname, Iza. I have been skipping school these past 2 days. I have problems with the circle of friends I made last year. I already had trauma with losing friends, because I lost my 4 closest friends when I was on 10th grade, or last last year. I was left out before, and I was left out once again this time. Yes, it was my fault, but they were at fault too. I can't keep taking the blame anymore. It's tiring. I have been thinking of doing the S again. I have stopped thinking about it from the past 3 months, because I had friends who I feel safe and happy with.

September 2025, late of that month, I've been thinking of doing it. I had problems with one of my teachers, her saying she'll fail me all of a sudden just because I couldn't answer one of her questions. I'm a very grade conscious girl. I was an honors student, high honor, and thinking of failing and disappointing my mom made me think of that. Not only that, but because I had a lot of problems from before too. My mom and I aren't even that close, but still, I wanted to make her proud of me. My dad left us when I was still a kid, lived and had a child with another woman. Actually, he had kids with diff women. And that's why I hate him. Back then, my mom also planned on doing it, when I was still a baby. She didn't tell me herself, I just overheard it from our other family members. But, she couldn't do it. Because she had me. And that's why I'm trying so hard not to give up.

But then, she met someone. I had a step father. A step father who was a jerk to me. I understand, I understood him because he loves my mom and my mom loves him. He has 2 kids, a girl and a boy. I was very close with the girl, we basically grew up and I treated her as my sister. My mom treated her as her own daughter too. She was one of the friends I had a big fight with when I was on 10th grade. Same age. My mom broke up with my step father, and I didn't know when, but they just stopped. And a part of me was glad because I can finally stop seeing that dude.

They had kids. 2 girls. Which is in my mom's care and my 2 step sisters. I'm close with them. I love both of them equally. And then before, I think it was years ago but I had a fight or misunderstanding with one of them, yes they were still a kid, but I was just a kid too who was stuck inside the house, never had any friends. And my mom sided with her. She even told me she can kill me if she wanted to. That night, I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. My mom said something like that. I never forgot about it. And when I was a teen, when we had a fight, I mentioned it. Told her she said something like that to me. But she said she doesn't remember.

Another thing too, she kept on comparing me with other girls... One of them is my step sister, the one where we're the same grade. She kept on comparing me to her, to my cousins, to the daughters of different moms. I really, really hated it. But I didn't show it. Until, I got used to her being always mad at me. Whenever she's mad at me, says hurtful things, I don't get hurt anymore. I just accept it. And she once called it out, saying I didn't care anymore. I do, it's just tiring. Very, tiring. If only she knows her own daughter cries everynight, thinking why was she even born in the first place if she'll just suffer this much. I love my mom. She's the only one I can trust.

I'm sorry, please, I just need someone I can talk to... Someone please just talk to me...