Five Years of Feeling Lost

I don't usually talk about my life like this, but today I just want to say what is actually inside me.

Before 2021, I had dreams.

I dreamed about having a beautiful girlfriend, a good job, enough money, building a good life, and one day taking care of my parents. I had so many hopes for my future.

Then 2021 came.

I don't even know how to explain what happened to me after that. But slowly, everything started disappearing.

It's been almost five years now.

Five years of trying to continue while feeling like I'm not really living. Five years of watching the person I wanted to become disappear little by little.

I came to Dubai thinking maybe my life would change. Instead, I faced more struggles. Work, money, visa problems, uncertainty, loneliness, and so many things I never imagined.

There are days when I hate myself because I feel like I can't do anything. I look at other people moving forward with their lives while I feel like I'm standing in the same place, completely empty.

I miss the person I used to be.

I miss having dreams.

I miss waking up and actually feeling excited about my future.

Now sometimes I don't even know what I want anymore. I just feel tired. Not the kind of tired that sleep can fix. It's the kind of tired that comes from carrying too much inside for too long.

I've tried to be strong. I've tried to keep going. I've tried to act like I'm okay.

But honestly...

I'm not okay.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't need people to tell me that everything will magically become better.

I just wanted somewhere to say the truth.

I lost a lot of things these past few years.

My confidence.

My motivation.

My dreams.

And maybe even a part of myself.

But there is still a small part of me that remembers the boy who once had dreams about a good future.

I don't know if I can bring that person back.

I don't know what happens next.

I just know that after everything I've been through, I'm still here.

Maybe that's all I can say about myself right now.

I'm still here.