Happiness
I’ve never felt so unhappy. The girl i love more then anything is probably using me just as a rebound. I’ve lost all feelings except for 1. depression. The only time i dont feel depressed anymore is when i train mma. Its the only time i can escape everything and do what i do best. Everything disapears. And when im done. Its back to the same depressed feeling i always Get when im done training. I havnet felt happy since i was a kid and Even then i dont really know if i was happy. Its so lonely feeling this way. I cant escape it or make it better no matter what i do
@Aadrianbl
Might be the single minded focus of MMA, the full exertion. I used to be in the military. When I was at war on a real mission, I forgot about relationships. Really did, just no real interest, because nothing felt lacking. Relationship problems re-surfaced in my life when my work was no longer ALL-IN satisfying most days like an MMA training is. What if you were born for full-time heroics, and your mind cannot be settled until you've had that satisfaction? There are careers that are more like a mission than a career. I've had good relationships both before and after war deployments. Even a good relationship doesn't satisfy for long at all, not compared to believing that what you're doing today matters.
