I decided to download this app so I can let some things out and hopefully it’ll help my mental health. Growing up I’ve seen and heard so many things. My mom had BPD and had depression, and on top of that she was an alcoholic and was addicted to meds. She would constantly threaten to hurt herself and me and my siblings. I would spend countless nights staying awake just to make sure nothing happened. My parents were almost never around growing up because my mom always wanted to be out, and when they were it would be when they came back from the bar and it would end in a fight.
Once they got hooked on the meds, they spent all of their money on them and alcohol. I remember always being hungry when my dad lost his job because they would prioritize what they wanted over their children. My older sister always tried to find something to feed us. She was the only person who raised my siblings and I.
My mom did end up trying to hurt herself one night and ended up in a coma for a few days. Once she woke up, I guess she was ready to quit everything and for a year everything was perfect. We moved to a new state, and finally we were the center of their world. I was finally getting the kind and loving mother that I needed.
A while after we moved, my mom found out she was sick. She wasn’t able to move because she was in so much pain, so we took care of her. She stopped cooking and doing stuff for us which was understandable but, she got prescribed the meds that she was addicted to before and she started drinking and taking them again.
Things got bad again, and my older sister moved out so everything just piled on me. My mom depended on me so much. She would make me clean the house, go to work, take care of her and my siblings, do the laundry, and teach my siblings because they were homeschooled. She would take everything I made. I never saw any of my checks. My dad made so much money at the time so i never understood why she took all of my checks. I found out later that they used all of their money to buy more meds because she would share her meds with my dad so they can both get high together and drink.
Once I turned 18, I had gotten on a dating app to meet new people. I was homeschooled most of my high school years so i didn’t know anyone where I had moved to. My mom hated the idea of me finding someone because she didn’t want me to leave her.
That’s when I met my girlfriend. She had been the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She treated me with so much respect and was so gentle with me. We didn’t get together until almost a year later when we finally met up in person. My mom told me that she was happy for me, and she always invited my girlfriend over, which made me extremely happy.
Once my girlfriend stayed around though, is when my mom started to have a problem. My girlfriend would stay over a few nights. My mom eventually started getting jealous because she thought my girlfriend was going to take me away from her.
We had countless fights up until i had just finally decided to leave. My mom would threaten, and guilt trip me over text. Sometimes it would work on me, and I was so scared of her. So, my girlfriends family took me in and we moved to her hometown. My mom hated this so much and would text me everyday telling me stuff.
I finally made the hard decision to cut contact with my mom. Once i did that, all of my family turned on me and blocked me. I’ve tried many times to try again and again to better our relationship but, my dad started saying homophobic things to my girlfriend and I. I could tell it really hurt my girlfriend because she really bonded with my dad, so that broke my heart.
It’s been almost a year since I cut contact with my family. It’s been so hard for me. It was the first time I spent the holidays without them. My girlfriends family has been there for me through everything. They’ve helped me find a job, get my license, and gave me everything i wanted or needed. I’ve seen and done so much that i haven’t done in my whole life.
Recently I’ve been so down. I never have the energy to do anything other than lay down. I’ve been feeling so bad about myself, and It’s just been so hard for me to do anything. I don’t spend time with my girlfriend as much and I know it’s bothering her. I want to get better, but I just don’t know how, or where to start.
