Hi all..

My name is Austin. I have been on and off depression since I was a child and now I’m 38 years old. I was born deaf on both ears, but I have one Cochlear Implant on my right ear that I’m able to hear and talk. But I’ve been dealing with ear ringings and voices in my head for decades that I seem cannot shake it off this time.

I’ve been in relationship with this girl for nearly 2 years. We have been in relationships on and off for years until this time that we have been solid well. She started to get less and less on communication and has been ignoring most of my questions which it was a simple questions, thats all. I’ve been wondering if I did anything or so that I don’t think I have. I did have a talk with her about our relationship and she said she was happy, but somewhere, I don’t think she is. I’ve been having a lot of panic attacks and ear ringings lately because of stress, mostly was about money, and she really haven’t tried to do anything for me like she used to. In 3 days ago, I was having overwhelming with ear ringing with voices that I could not shake it off, especially fear of being a failure that I have told by many people that I’ll never be successful in life. I ended up texting her by how I’m sorry that I’m not good enough then I turned off my phone until the next day. I told her I was having that issues again that I really need to talk then she send me the last text, “I can’t keep doing this with you, Austin. PLEASE, DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN!”

I was heartbroken and I know I screwed it up. I love her so much that I’m willing to do anything for her, but after that, I feel so numb. I never thought she would ever do that to me on the last part because she told me few times by no matter what, we’ll get thru together. I still feel numb today and have been depressed for a long time now.