How do I get any real help?

I have been struggling for awhile and I really don't know how to do anything that even begins to help me

I don't feel like doing any hobbies or activities, I don't want to go to therapy because I know it'll be useless and will end up with me being committed to a cell against my will if I'm honest about any of my thoughts/plans. I definitely don't want to take medication and function off drugs, so im not left with many options

Even if I could afford therapy without my family somehow finding out and ruining my life, I strongly feel like it wouldn't be helpful

I called a hotline yesterday, which was a risk in it of itself, and It didn't really help all that much

What do I do if no traditional source of care will help? The only real way I see to get better is to somehow miraculously change my entire life perspective.