Idk

I would have never thought that my depressions and loneliness would make me this desperate. And I  say that because from the outside nobody would assume this. They think I have a regular family and caring friends (which they really are). I mean I guess I do have friends but also not really if that makes sense? They are there but at the same time I can’t talk to them about how I really feel. I also am never really part of the friend groups that I have. I’m the person that joined after and so I’m not really a priority. They often plan things which each other and I’m included. Sometimes I go offline for quite a while because I don’t feel so well and they never reach out or ask me why I haven’t texted in the group chats or whatever. I feel weird saying this because obviously they also have their own lives and problems and I do really understand that. Just can’t change the feeling that nobody really cares about me. My family is also very difficult to get along with. My parents immigrated from Irak to Germany in the late 90’s and it’s been really hard growing up. I’m also the oldest daughter so I had many responsibilities as a child which would be considered as appropriate (like writing government letters, always having to translate for them at appointments, being responsible for my younger siblings stuff as well,etc.). Now I have talked all over the place without any structure or anything so yeah sorry. I’m 24 female btw