@nyneee What you’re experiencing right now sounds incredibly overwhelming, with so many things piling on top of each other. I, too, have GAD, and was diagnosed at 11, so close to the age you were diagnosed at. I completely understand how difficult it is to endure that diagnosis, let alone deal with compounding factors.
You’re not at all victimizing yourself. You’re overwhelmed and going through a lot, and you are absolutely deserving of care and support. Comparing hardships only makes things worse. And, I can assure you, people who “have it worse” would still want you to receive the help and support you need. Other people’s problems do not take away from yours.
I remember being 18 and having panic attacks over exams, too. It’s a lot, and it’s a heavy load to carry. It can feel like so much rides on this one grade, one exam, one semester. When my anxiety gets that intense, I find that talking it out (like you’re doing!) helps a lot. So does distracting myself by watching my favorite TV show, spending time outside, creating art, or calling my friends. Sometimes, I need a cold, damp washcloth on my forehead or practice deep breathing.
Here’s what I’ve learned about exams. In high school, I failed out of two math courses and one science course. I otherwise excelled with great grades in IB English and History. But I could never seem to get math and science right, and I was afraid I’d never get into college. But I did. I got into my dream school, and I was also accepted into several other schools that I’d applied to. One bad grade, or even a series of bad grades, doesn’t accurately reflect the type of student or person you are. You are so much more than one grade.
In college, I failed out of Neuroscience. I was convinced I’d never get into grad school because failing out of an undergraduate course was the worst thing that could happen in a class. I got into the grad school of my choice. Schools understand, especially in today’s world, how intelligence isn’t measured solely by grades in one course or another. Intelligence is measured by the whole of the individual: where they excel, what their academic history looks like, how they contribute to their courses, to society, etc. You are far more than one grade.
And, who knows, you might do far better than you think. We folks with GAD tend to catastrophize, don’t we? I believe in you and know that you are resilient enough to make it through this tough period, and you’ll get to experience the joy that awaits you on the other side.
