Idk what else to do

So I been dealing with my depression for about 5 years on & off if that makes sense, idk how I’m even still here, I been wanting to log off for a while I just never have the guts idk if I’m scared or what but lately my depression has been more so about my living situation, I used to live with my parents (my old apartment had black mold 💀) had to move out for the sake of my relationship because my parents were overly disrespectful towards my fiancé, I think it’s because I’m lesbian and they’re super “old school” idk they seem okay with me but idk what their deal was with my fiancé, when we met everything was sunshine & daisies now it’s all like rain & farts, life has been tapping our *** with car payments, rent, school, etc. when we moved with her parents we came with the intention of moving out within 3 months, her parents are amazing outside of the fact that they’re both addicts, it’s hard living with them because they either wanna smoke (my weed) all the time, or drink. Every time me & my girl are going through something whether it’s an argument or stress about bills I’m always the one to be told I have to keep my voice down or calm down, now mind you I’m the type of person to try to keep a smile on my face no matter what the situation is to keep other ppl happy, anytime I express my emotions I get overly upset because I let out a lot of anger that I keep bottled up inside whether it’s anger from being stressed out or anger because I don’t make as much as I used to at my previous job, I think life has made me bitter & I hate that for me because I want to be happy not just for myself but for my fiancé she deserves all the good things of me not this angry depressed version of myself sometimes I feel so angry I can scream but then sometimes I get to the point where I’m numb & I just sit there with a blank stare on my face just completely checked out I don’t have money for actual therapy so I guess this is a rant or vent post but please I just need any kind of help so I don’t fall off the rails or lash out on my honey bunches she’s everything to me & I don’t wanna lose her but I also don’t want to lose myself