I don't know

Been pretty stable for the past months to a year?

Went clubbing like a few weeks ago and idk I guess something there or the clubbing itself just triggered me and ever since then it's been a downward spiral I guess.

I feel that the whole spiral was just creeping up on me slowly (I've been feeling increasingly isolated from friends, spending every other hour out of work sleeping or jst not sleeping at all just doing everything else except sleeping and sleeping only when my body physically cannot take it)

It got a bit better I guess... so I'm not trying not to cry on the way to work. In all honesty I really just want to skip work but it's hard as I'm a piano teacher.I can't just ditch my students' like that too. But now it's just me becoming an emotional wreck almost every night. I know that this whole thing stems from my childhood trauma and all that grief, but right now I just have too much and nothing going on in life (kinda ironic) I'm still a student so i have like exams and projects and all and all my piano exams and all that coming up and it does seem like a lot but I'm not motivated to do anything as well. I finish teaching and I just feel so incredibly drained. On the days where i do have time I'm just an unmotivated wreck. Who knows maybe I'm just a lazy student procratsinating and using this as an excuse but I don't know where to start for some of them honestly and I get so stressed out and overwhelmed as well because of it.

I'm done tho. Really just needed to vent because it's hard telling people arnd me right now.