I don't know how I feel anymore (TW suicidal thoughts, sh)
Things have been pretty weird to the point where I'm just confused with how I actually am. Some days are better than others. I mean, I at least feel okay. Might still have a dark thought pop up, but I think I'm okay. Then other days, I feel worse. The weird physical hallucination things are more noticeable like today. It feels like something pushing against my throat or sometimes my arm. Like a kn*fe.
I have a hard time knowing who I can actually trust because of things that have happened. I feel like I can't tell anyone because I don't know how they'll react.
Sometimes a thought will pop up about how I could "end things". I don't want to. At least I don't think I do. I'm just so tired of everything. Of all of the constant questions that fill my head. I just wish things were normal and good.
I'm tired of constantly questioning myself about how I am. Am I actually depressed? Am I not? Is it something else? Am I faking it? I know the last one doesn't even make sense since it's not like I've told anyone, but I just don't know.
I'm so confused. Sorry for the long post. Also, sorry if I was too descriptive with some things that might be triggering. I was trying to be careful with the wording
Hi Determined Nest. I always have to ask. Have you talked to a therapist/counselor/psychologist? What about medication? I know a lot of people think what do they know or how are they going to help. We’ll just to give you a little bit of my story I’ve been battling anxiety and depression for over 20 years. The most recent episode I decided to talk to one again for the first time in 7 years. He brought a lot of the anxiety/depression to light and it helped me tremendously. I’m taking antidepressants and I think they went on about a 2 month break. He did recommend some good reading Feeling Well was one book and the other was 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. Also I brisk walk which helps me a lot. I’m here to chat if you want
@CDK1972 I've been thinking about trying to see a professional about it, but I'm not sure if I can afford it or when. I haven't told anyone other than my family, so I'm not on any medication either. Actually, I do remember once I tried bringing up feeling depressed to a doctor, but I started to panic kind of and couldn't do it.
Sorry to hear about what you've been going through btw
@determinedNest6866. Not sure where you live but there should be some free help out there. There are soooooo many things they can do for you to help with anxiety and depression. Try to get the courage to talk to a Dr and I garrantee over some time you’ll be good again. Maybe with some coping techniques and/or medication. Trust me I know the feeling of “I’m going to feel and think like this forever!” Well good news: No you will not. And when the happiness comes back it makes you appreciate all the small things. Your going to be ok
You did just fine with your descriptions. What kinds of people are you talking to in general? Do you have a doctor who you trust? They usually don't overreact. @determinedNest6866
@bestVase7265 I don't really talk to people. At least, not about what's been going on. I only ever talked to two people in my family and that's it. Other than sort of talking about stuff in the forums on here lol.
I might be able to trust the doctor that I'm supposed to be seeing soon enough that I think I might try talking to. I'm just a little worried about what might happen. I've heard some people talk about how they tried getting help to only end up getting mistreated in a psych ward. I know that obviously not all psych wards are bad. It just scares me
That scares all of us. But it usually doesn't happen. Doctors are trained to deal with such things and can point you in the direction of help. As long as you don't have an active plan to do something really bad, they aren't going to take things away from you. Just always say "thoughts" rather than "plan".
You deserve to feel better. Try talking about it the next time that you go. You can even write out some of what you want to say beforehand so you don't get nervous. @determinedNest6866
@bestVase7265 Thanks. I'll try bringing it up to the doctor
Sounds like a great plan. Come back here if you need any encouragement.@determinedNest6866
@bestVase7265 Thanks :)