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I don’t understand myself

User Profile: m28e
m28e November 29th, 2023

On the same day, I can be on top of the world in the morning, but fall into a deep depression that same night.


I never got diagnosed with anything (I can’t afford a therapist). These mood swings make me so scared, I never know how I will feel in the next hour.


I have no friends, my parents are more like housemates, my siblings are old and have moved out. I’m the only one left with my parents. I’m the joke of the family as I’m always made fun of.

They make a joke out of EVERYTHING SINGLE THING I SAY AND IT LEFT ME WOTH A LIFE OF TRYING TO PROVE MYSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY. I even entered medicine to get some power back but they still look down on me.


I don’t know how to socialize. I lose friends left and right and I think I might be the problem, nobody loves me enough to stay. My best friend of +10 years has left me in a heartbeat.


I am heartbroken every single day.

2
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User Profile: blindGrace277
blindGrace277 November 30th, 2023

@m28e I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time, m28e. It takes a lot of strength to open up about your feelings, and I appreciate you reaching out here.


Feeling on top of the world one moment and then sinking into deep depression the next can be incredibly disorienting and distressing. I can imagine how difficult it must be not knowing how you'll feel from one hour to the next. While I'm not a substitute for professional help, I'm here to offer support and listen to what you're going through.

It's concerning that you feel isolated and don't have a strong support system. The constant jokes and feeling like you have to prove yourself can take a toll on your mental well-being. It's important to recognize your own value and worth beyond external validations.

Entering medicine is a significant achievement, and it's unfortunate that you still feel looked down upon. Remember, your worth is not determined by the opinions of others, especially if they undermine your accomplishments.

Socializing can indeed be challenging, and losing friends can be deeply hurtful. It's important to note that relationships are a two-way street, and it's not solely your responsibility. Sometimes people leave for reasons beyond our control, and it doesn't necessarily reflect on your worth.

Given your financial constraints, there are often community resources that provide mental health support at little to no cost. It might be worth exploring these options in your area. Additionally, some online platforms offer low-cost therapy services.

You're not alone in this, and seeking support is a brave step. If there's anything specific you'd like to talk about or if you have questions, feel free to share. Your feelings are valid, and I'm here to listen without judgment.
User Profile: Tinywhisper11
Tinywhisper11 November 30th, 2023

@m28e you are not a joke 😞 as terrifying as confrontation is, I think you need to tell your siblings, the effects of their constant jokes and how they are belittling you. They might not realise how much it makes you feel bad. As for friends it's not you that is the problem. It seems to me that real friendships are a thing of the past, so just enjoy the fleeting moments of friends company while it lasts. I'm sorry you can't afford a therapist😞 have you spoken to your doctor? Maybe he can help with the deppressive episodes. Sending love and courage your way ❤gives you a giant festive tiny hug ❤❤we are all here for you

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