I hate me

Im a student that did everything to be one of the best. I was on the top, running for honors, and i did everything i could to be there. Then I realized late that I was alone and everybody hated me because I’m too emotional and too hungry for acadamic validation. I had no friends and I always worry and get depressed over a low score and i kept crying all the time. I had always remembered when my parents would get mad at me, shout at me, they said the good thing about me is only studying, and everything about me was bad, im selfish, im not a good daughter, sister and such. I always held on to that. I thought being nice and good to peers can lead me to have friends, but it wasnt enough. In the end, im always hated, despised, and all the bad. I had one friend i cherished in our class and she also left me because of my academic stress, and i believe its my fault, i wish i wasnt like this. Im sorry, my problem is not that big of a worry for others but i really needed to let it out.