I hate rainbow 🌈

I am from Algeria, an Arab Muslim and conservative society. Since I was in middle school, strange feelings started to develop because of a type of anime I saw by chance, which is 'Yaoi.' I started feeling love towards boys, and I felt like I needed a hug and attention from a boy. Unfortunately, my feelings grew when I studied with a boy in middle school, and I considered him a brother, but his kind way of talking and treating me was what made me love him. These feelings of love turned into lust in high school, and I started imagining him without clothes and doing bad things, until I reached a stage of obsession. I even edited his photos on ***. Because of this, I entered the world of pornography.

After a year, in high school, I studied in a school far away where I didn't have my old friends, and I felt lonely. I became addicted to gay groups and applications, but they were all deviant and only wanted sex, not love or real feelings. I hated myself, and my academic level, which used to be excellent, dropped. My father and mother noticed this, but they thought it was only because of video games.

Anyway, after graduating from high school, I met a person on *** who was kind and affectionate, and I started talking to him every day to the point that I wouldn't eat dinner and would stay up all night talking to him. My sister suspected something, took the password from my phone, entered my account, saw the messages with the man, and told my mother. My mother cried and screamed at me and told my father, who was extremely angry. I will not go into further details because just talking about it gives me indigestion and tremors.

Two years have passed since that story. My relationship with my parents has improved a little, but despite that, I entered a new world. I became addicted to the dark web and murder videos. My arm is now full of scars and wounds. This time it happened by mistake, and in a moment of anger, the wound was deeper, and I am in severe pain. I really want help. Medicines and the Imam of the mosque and nothing else has worked for me , PLEASE understand that I am not sharing this for sympathy or attention; I am truly in need of professional help