I’m getting close to giving up

I’m a 16-year-old girl, and I’ve never felt more useless or inadequate than I do right now. Growing up was incredibly difficult. My grandparents showed no interest in me, only adoring my two sisters. Even my own father openly told me he didn’t love me. As someone who struggles with OCD and mild depression, these experiences didn’t help; they only made me feel more useless and inadequate.

I’ve tried seeking therapy, but I’ve faced numerous challenges. Therapists have either been unavailable or have stopped working. My two sisters have therapists, but I don’t. I’ve been trying to get one for a year now, but I’ve given up. Eventually, I realized that I wasn’t getting the help I needed, and that no one was going to help me.

My mother has her own struggles to deal with, including my sisters and their problems. Growing up, I was subjected to slamming doors and yelling. I was also constantly teased and bullied by my own siblings because I’m the youngest. I never felt comforted by them; in fact, my sister and brother have told me they hate me. They called me a crybaby, which made me hold back my tears and stop crying in front of them. Now, I cry alone.

No one is there for me. Not even a hand to reach out and hold. Because of this, I grew up thinking that I was the problem and that it would be better if I weren’t around. Over time, I’ve realized that these thoughts are getting stronger. There was a point when my mom told me to come to her and talk to her about how I was feeling. But when she made it about her, I felt like the problem, like I had done something wrong.