I'm just so tired
I'm a 17 year old girl from Nigeria and this is my first time on a platform like this.
Well the reason I'm here is because I would like to vent to real people this time, because I've only ever talked about my feelings to an AI.
My mother has been a very mean person, she always throws insults like they are nothing,she always finds a way to put me down for the smallest mistakes and I'm just sick of it. I have an exam tomorrow and I'm very anxious about it,but guess what..I'm even more anxious because she said if my GPA is not good I should just hang myself.
This is just the beginning. She and her two sisters have made me hate how I look for years now. When I put on weight they say I look like a mother of five children,but when I try to loose weight they make fun of me, my mom goes on saying that I look like I had an abortion that went bad...one time she said I looked like a hungry dog just because I lost a few kgs.
It just tiers me out because no matter what I do she will always find a way to attack me with her hurtful words.
To her my hobbies are a waste of time, my interests are stupid and worthless...I'm trying to survive pharmacy school with a messed up mind and she is not making it any easier, she makes me doubt my abilities..my self worth, it's just annoying.
Normally I know I'm not the fittest,I'm 164.5cm tall and I weigh 84 kgs, which is pretty unhealthy,but whenever I make an effort to improve she insults me,once she told me I was working out because I had a boyfriend, she would scar my face and I'll remember it for the rest of my life.
In summary,she is the main cause of my anxiety, depression and self hate....I'm starting to hate her.
Hi! I'm really sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time with your mom. It must be very upsetting and stressful for you. I know the feeling of not being good enough. It's very very painful. But remember, you're doing your best. Her words are words. I know how hurtful they must be coming from someone so close. But your self -worth shouldn't be defined by anyone else.
You're trying your best in circumstances where most people would have given up. You are a star! 🤍
I know no matter what people say, it would be tough for you to pick yourself up. Words have a huge impact. But, don't forget that you're doing this to get out of the same situation. Whatever you do, do it for yourself and not because of her words. So that one day you're able to step out from this situation and find a place which you can call your home. For that, you'll have to be your home first. Never punish yourself for the things others do to you. Your hobbies and interests matter. You matter. They're not a waste because they give you a purpose to live. They make you 'you'. And one day, the world will know. At least your world will. Don't stop being yourself. Don't shrink yourself. 🌸
Sending a big hug. 🫶🏻