I'm lost

Well I'm 20 years old .I am a student.i don't have a good connection with my family and friends.i don't like them they don't like me .they can't tolerate my existence as well I feel the same way.i have a huge distance connection with my parents.i don't trust them. Once my mom break my trust still it's about 4 years I got trust issue. I had a bf.i had a toxic relationship with him .I was so obsessed with him . first 3 months of our relationship was quite good after that lose interest.slowly it becomes toxic.i wanted him to be with me only.he wants to have his ex as friend at the same time when we are in a relationship.i can't tolerate that .he had a female bff.that girl block him becoz she didn't want to show him infornt of her bf.and my ex was like he wants to be with him . slowly academically I had down fall and I lost my dream college and after knowing that he left me . Now i can't focus on my studies. I'm scared to share my feelings.i keep quiet and cry alone. I tried to talk with my parents but they didn't have any interest in me .they have ego ,as well I have.so, there is huge communication gap between me and my parents . it's about 7 month I'm having that problem. I'm totally lost. Now I am scared to be Loved .there is no feelings exist in my heart.i don't have any in interest in this world.i found no interest in my favorite food ,color , dress.there is no taste. My heart feels heavy.i can't express how it feels. my heart cries alone every night when I see myself in the mirror.life was good but now it is worst. I wish I never met with my ex boyfriend so, that I don't have to face this things. and never needed to lost my dream college