I'm not insane
"I'm not insane". "I'm not insane". "I'm not insane". I repeat this to myself every day. Since i found out I have these problems, and it's not just one or two; there are many. I don't want to talk about it, i don't want to confess about it. I was searching about schizophrenia cause i have it ...a new one again, and while seeing results, internet shows me a mental hospital . I know its nothing even tho it's funny but, I feel defeated, i freaked out . I don't want to live like this with these illness. I can't live with these voices, shadows which are not real but i can see them i don't want to live with the chaos in my mind. I want a normal life i want to live like normal teenager.
I obsess over things, mainly my own mind and it's apparent differences from the rest of the world's minds. I can find myself sitting in the same spot for hours, doing nothing but philosophizing the whys of absolutely anything and everything.
I hear things other people don't, sometimes voices and sometimes other random stuff. Supposedly the little floaters I see in my eyes are actually visual hallucinations. I don't know if I visually hallucinate or not, to be honest. I see what's real to me and it's possible that's different from what other people see- I dunno cuz I don't have their eyes. Im pretty sure I can actively imagine visuals in to a hallucination… maybe. Like, I believe it so strongly, in my mind, I make it real to me, and my perception is all that matters to me. Im delusional too and im...... Everything. But, im not insane right? Yeah maybe im not but I can't stop the voices in my mind "im not insane" but i can't stop seeing shadows no one can see "im not insane" but i can't stop talking to myself and imaginary person no, i don't want all of these. It can be treated im sure causw i don't wanna live with these i want a normal life i don't wanna end up in a hospital nope i want to live like a perfectly sane person not in my imagination but in real life...
I am so sorry. It sounds like you are in such pain right now and are very scared. You have done nothing to deserve this. It might help to start to think about the diagnosis as something more like being told that you had diabetes or heart disease. Your brain chemicals aren't working correctly at the moment. But with the right medications and talk therapy, you can find a much better spot for you. Are you talking to doctors about it? Internet searches can just lead you to a much darker spot. @Gargi07
@bestVase7265 I'm not afraid of anything else but I'm afraid of MYSELF, and I'm not talking to doc I can't, I can't take medicines and therapy my parents will be able to know about it if I did any of that they are going to make fun and ignore the thing as a joke as they always did so I never tell them I never had a therapy because of them.
The internet cannot give you a diagnosis. It can only scare you. Only a doctor can give you a diagnosis.
I understand the fear that you have of your parents if they have reacted poorly in the past. Do you have any other adults that you can talk to? Any mental distress that you are experiencing deserves some outside support. This isn't something that you can do on your own. @Gargi07
@bestVase7265 I know I can't do it myself but I can't do it with the help of others too, no I don't have any trusting adult and I can't do anything with it, I appreciate your concern thankyou so much but there are some things we can't do anything with it
Reaching out takes extreme amounts of courage. Keep looking for someone to reach out to. Yes, things can go wrong. But you can also find a path out of the pain and confusion. If you don't take that step, then some of the things that you fear the most in terms of hospitalization can happen.
Don't let your brain lie to you and tell you there is no way out. There is. Find the courage to take it.
@bestVase7265 I will try, thankyou so much.
Well I am here to cheer you on in any way that I can. Feel free to come back any time and tell me how things are going. @Gargi07
@bestVase7265 I will thankyou 💓, also feel free to share anything you want, I'm a good listener lol😭