Im not sure
Recently school life and home life has been really hard for me and sort of meshing together. I find very often that the people most close to me in my life, and the people I love the most I can’t enjoy time with or be happy with. Sometimes I feel like I’m just trying to convince myself I am happy so that I can get past it. I’m always busy or always making myself busy so I never have to stop and feel or be vulnerable because I’m scared of reality and what life means for me right now. Truly I’m over whelmed and I feel a deep level of unhappiness growing upon me everyday but I force myself to be okay and i force myself to try and keep myself together. It also sort of hurts though constantly
I get that. Sometimes it's hard to be genuinely happy, or at least accept the reality that you live in. It's easy to just bury yourself in things to keep yourself busy so you don't have to think too much about anything. I'm guilty of doing the same. Things will not get easier if you don't address how you feel inside though, as hard as that is. Try finding someone you can trust to talk, even just an internet stranger. It's better than keeping it to yourself.
That sounds like you are going through a really rough spot. You don't deserve to feel that way. Are you talking to anyone? @aleesha3