Im so confused abt what i feel

For context i feel like i was depressed for majority of late childhood/tween years but now ive become numb(????) Idk if this is just brain overload or something. Nowdays its really strange. I get like a few days of depressive episodes where i hit rock bottom and then i bounce back like nothing happened. However during all of this ive been as productive as usul person (i think its atypical depression or smth). This relly sucks because it seems like im alr and im too shy to ask for help. Everything feels so strange like i feel everything and nothing at the same time. Has anyone had any experience with the things mentioned or know how to deal with it?