I’m so tired
I’m so, so sorry to rant and vent over here, I understand if just venting out of nowhere might not be acceptable here but I just don’t have anywhere else to go.
I’m still in highschool, just finishing the second semester, half the final exams are behind me. I have no friends, and when I say that, I literally do mean I have absolutely no people I can recur to. I’m pretty sure all my classmates think I’m a creep for being so quiet, reserved, and overall just weird. I wish I could be normal like them but I’m just not. Every time anyone speaks with me I freeze and can’t say anything, I’ll just stay still and quiet or mutter 1 or 2 words.
I’m so sick of being this stupidly alone, I’ve never in my life had anything that can be considered an actual friend but until a few years ago, I at least had a few people whom I could hang out with, now, for the past 4 years, I’ve had not a single person. All of my past friends just stopped talking to me one day and found themselves a new larger group.
i don’t even know why I keep trying, I genuinely don’t have anything to live for, no passions, not any real talents, nothing that could ever make me special, I’m just so useless and worthless and non-deserving that I feel so guilty of even existing, I make everyone around me miserable just by being around so what’s the point?
I’m sorry again, for bothering this forum with a rant. I’m just gonna sleep now.
Hi there, growing up I was very shy and I had social anxiety. I had no friends in school all throughout high school so I can understand somewhat of what you may be feeling and going through. Please know that you are not alone. Having no friends at the moment doesn’t make you any less of a human being and doesn’t make you less deserving of kindness or love. We all experience life through different lenses - we all have different struggles and backgrounds. It seems like maybe you feel like an outcast because you don’t feel like you relate to other people your age in school. Maybe you don’t have any passions or hobbies right now, but is there anything you do enjoy doing with your time? Maybe you can try new things and see if you enjoy them, even if they are simple things. Maybe some of those things could be video games, drawing or some other form of art, reading, writing or watching your favorite genre of movies. Maybe it’s learning about things that interest you like the history of music or architecture or the way things are made. You are young and you still have so much opportunity to discover what things you might enjoy or what makes you happy. I know it might feel like you aren’t sure who you are or where you fit in, but over time it does get easier talking to other people. Just do your best to practice, is there a family member you can practice with? Or perhaps do you think watching and reading videos on how to improve social skills would help? I hope nothing but the best for you, and please know that you are not bothering anyone with sharing how you feel. Take care and be kind to yourself.
