I've realised that no-one really cares about me
I come from a very education before health type of family, where my grades and education always took priority. It was the only thing anyone in my family would really notice. As a result, i would always do anything that would make me a better student. E.g, head student, while my actual health was pushed to the side.
A couple of months ago, i was doing the biggest exam period of my life (22 exams over three weeks). It was expected that id do well, and go off to a sixthform to do Alevels. However, i didn't do as good as hoped. And all my plans had to change. I got on a good college course, which incudes psychology which i am enjoying far more than i thought i would, but its clear that no one really cares about what i do. I never get to talk about it, or what experiments i did. Recently i got the higest grade possible on an assignment, and i tell my family with great pride about it, but they didn't seem to care. They gave a half-arsed response.
And sure, some could say that they simply didn't understand it, but its not that, as my Autistic siblings (who failed more subjects then me) got on a course which no one in my family understands, but they pretend they do for them.
They are so dissapointed in me
And maybe they should be
I failed
Doesnt help that im gay either, and most of them are religious. They hate me already for that
Im already struggling as it is. My mental health is already getting worse and worse by the day. And i have tried to get help. I tried talking to the college councillors, but they didn't care about my depression no matter how many times i mentioned it. Just anxiety.
Its like no one has ever really cared about me.
If i were to dissapear, no one would bother looking. Theyd be glad i was gone
@charmingMango8215 Hi, I'm Celine :) I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. Firstly, I want to acknowledge your strength and resilience in navigating these difficulties. You've adapted to a new college course and found enjoyment in psychology, which is commendable. When it comes to your mental health, seeking support is a vital step, and I'm sorry to hear that you haven't found the understanding and care you deserve from the college counselors. Remember, you are not a failure. You've faced difficult circumstances, and you're still moving forward, exploring new interests, and seeking help despite the challenges. If you need someone to talk to, there are hotlines and online support communities available for LGBTQ+ individuals dealing with mental health challenges. You are important, and your feelings are valid.
@charmingMango8215 Your task in life is to find people who will actually will care. We are supposed to find that in our families but unfortunately they are not always aware of what they were doing. I know this situation is very disappointing, and you have every right to grieve the fact that they are not providing attention, understanding and caring. When you’re done grieving that, you can focus your energy on yourself and your wellbeing. Both the grieving and the letting go of expectation about what they should be doing will give you the energy you need to get back to your goals.
There are lots of people who are going to care if you are gone. You have begun to do important studies in psychology which could really help people. And you say that you enjoy it. That matters.
That your family can't see it is ultimately going to be their problem. I know that it hurts that they aren't really seeing you right now, but that doesn't mean you aren't doing great stuff.
Are you just going to one counselor at school? Are there other options? You can find someone who you can connect with better.@charmingMango8215
The councillors, or 'wellbeing staff' as they are properly named are usually hard to reach. I had my first meeting cancelled before i got the opportunity to talk to them. They dont actually run regular councilling sessions, instead they refer us to someone else. Again, this was a focus on Anxiety, and i unfortunately didn't make the cut to do the sessions this term. I think it is because i dont seem like a high enough of a priority, from what i was told I had the highest attendance out of the other candidates, and seemed a little more outgoing.
Thats really all the options i have here.
Hmm. Are there people outside of school like a doctor that you could go to for a recommendation? I would also be surprised if the school didn't have some kind of advice for a more sudden mental health issue. What would happen if you pushed back harder?
You deserve some support. @charmingMango8215
My doctors office is rather challenging to get to. It is possible to walk there, but due to a injury on my leg, it would be very difficult for me to get there. Furthermore, as i am a minor, they cannot do much for me. The last time i went for my mental health, they told me to take vitamins. That was it.
They do offer to arrange an appointment with the childs mental health service, but because they are so so understaffed and overloaded with work, they'll only take 'level 3' cases. (Ppl who have attempted). Even then, those appointments can take months if not years.
My college does provide mental health pages to scroll through, listing different conditions, some information about them and links to different sources of information. From what i have seen, that information for help is very very vauge, and unhelpful.
Ok, then working from here may be the best option right now.
What would you most like to have happen right now? @charmingMango8215
