Judgment over Time Off

I’m so glad that my parents have understood my need for personal space and have started contacting me and visiting me less. I’m sure this will include how I spend days off. But now that I’m almost 31 and have my own house, I need to prevent any further grief from my parents over how I use my time off.

I have stopped participating in family vacations since before the pandemic because they would get ugly with dad’s quick temper. Then the last real trip of any kind in 2021 involved a flaky plus one for a wedding, a seemingly endless traffic jam in the remote desert, and I got picked on by my mom because I slept in too late after seeing someone for dinner the night before the traffic jam. The traffic jam put me a day late to getting into the city where my mom’s brother lives, who I tried to see. Then I also had a terrible sinus infection. So absolutely no time, willpower, and energy left for large-scale traveling. I can’t because of work, my many medical problems and my desire to stay close to home.

When my parents contacted me daily to deal with moving to a new city and dealing with long-term misery at work, that also meant they involved me with things we all wanted to do for my time off. But they had a say in all the days I took off, whether it was with them or my friends. One day I felt emotionally disturbed because of recovering from a toxic relationship but then someone on a dating app unmatched with me. I took that day off for my mental health, but I felt like I set off sadness for my parents for no good reason. Then another day when I had a deep depressive episode because of something my parents did, my mom discovered I was spending a Saturday on my couch and told me I needed to get up and do something. They didn’t realize they were the problem that caused me to be depressed in the first place.

The last time I took days off outside the holidays I went on a camping trip that was rough on me because of recent obligations and a rude crowd with dogs that stomped on my friend’s tackle box while we were fishing. My mom was nice to get a hotel for us when she saw that it would storm on us later that night, but then the next morning to check out a customer at the hotel complained while my friend and I stood there for nearly 5 minutes. I felt the ground crumbling underneath.

I really feel like every time I’ve taken time off lately something happens to ruin it, no matter how “small” it may be, or no matter what has required me to take time off in the first place (work, appointments, etc). So I’m perfectly content to throw myself into work and new house life. But then my parents have been unhappy before when I would want to do things by myself, or they would recommend I do something with friends. My parents think I should either hang out with friends or take a short family trip instead of doing what I want on a “stay-cation”. Being a couch potato is really how I want to start spending more of my days off. It’s also evidence that 100% of people I know only like me for what I do, not who I am. And please don’t convince me I need to meet other people. I am trying to work on my medical issues before doing so.

How should I convince my parents to stay out of decisions for my time off? How can I take “stay-cations” and not be judged? And lastly, is it really worth taking time off if something bad will just happen each time?