Just a stupid teen

Um hi

I'm currently 16 years old. My mother is a single parent I lost my father when I was 10. I have two younger siblings a sister almost 14 yrs old and a 10 yr old brother. Since my father left me I have been very depressed, he was very dear to me. I loved him so much he wasn't a very caring and loving father but still I loved him so much more than my mother who have done everything for me. Those days were nightmare for us especially for me and my mom. She used to cry miserably and seeing her crying like that used to break my heart into pieces. But i couldn't cry, I just couldn't make her more sad. Every night she would cry after making sure we slept. But i didn't, I used to fake my sleep. I used to see her crying daily. I used to cry too a lot but silently and she never knew that. Then wake up and smile at her. Idk if I'm good at hiding or she just couldn't see it. But my life took a turn in lockdown and it was much worse. Due to being stuck in four walls we were all frustrated about it after all we were just children and even my mum was bcz of handling us three. My sister was way too much mischievous she would literally damage things for fun and then my mum would get worked up and scold her badly shout at her and sometimes beat her a lil like a slap same for my brother sometimes. She used to get mad at everything like everything I understand her own mental health wasn't stable on top of that she was incharge of financial things which is very stressful. But she can't just let out her whole anger on us especially on me. She taunts me scolds upon everything I do or say. And my sister is so selfish I can’t with her. She is so much addicted to phone and tv that if she doesn't get it she wouldn't even let us eat or sleep in peace. She says so many hurtful words when she is angry to mumma that she doesn't love her and care for her at all etc etc. Though mum has taken care of her the most. This all stresses mum a lot she cries a lot and then her health gets bad so much. Which stresses me I get so mad about it. Bcz of these things I hate her so much. And on top of all my stress 3 yrs ago I found out my mum has a bf. One time i saw them kissing and that's when i found out that. I was so traumatized by it that I couldn't sleep for nights I couldn't believe my eyes like my mom??? I couldn't even confront her I didn't have the courage And No I'm not being selfish but she herself said that she doesn't want anyone in her life other than us but still I'd be happy she is happy but the thing is that the man is married and has two children.I finally confronted her last yr bit didn't tell her i jnow everything i just said i don't like you being close with him and she said okay I won't talk to him and he won't come to our house but she still talks to him he still comes at our house. She still goes on date with him she thinks idk or I don't notice but I do. Though he is sweet and caring but that doesn't change my perspective. Admist all this my health and study both has gotten worse. I'm no longer the cheerful and energetic girl instead now I have severe headache body pain low concentration very anxious. And study? Too bad idk if I'll even pass this year or not.