More depression talk

I really Am so so so so so tired of this pain, I don't even know where I am in my mind I wake up everyday and I sit here, I look out of the window and all that comes in my head is "oh great another day of not wanting to be here" before you read this no I'm not suicidal so don't be taking this post down, I've just been kicked off the sharing circle queue so I'm here talking about how I feel, right so back to my venting, so I also had a offline friend and I vented to her and she basically told me to "put a smile on your face and move on you'll be okay" but when she wanted to vent and anything I was there for her and so I blocked her like 40 minutes ago bcuz I just can't be doing with the head games and I'm already in a dark place and I'm very tired, I went Into depression room and I'm sorry to the people who read what I wrote bcuz it was so upsetting and tearful that I probably caused upset by saying how I feel but I like the depression room they have good people, im greatful for the support and people and friends on here bcuz im just gonna be honest if I didn't have anyone here Idk where I would be but please bare with me bcuz im not in a dark place im in a depth dark place and it's not nice and I want the light and i want happiness but right now I'm unhappy and I am not loved in real life, I want to be loved but nobody care about me, I feel my life ain't worth being loved and cared about, why can't I be happy, I wanna be important to someone and be on that someone specials mind but it ain't happen bcuz I am isolated and before anyone says anything about that then u better listen, I have major bad mental illness and can't go anywhere alone much so keep your opinions to yourself, but just be careful what you say to me bcuz I can snap quickly if I don't understand, oh and I'm stressed more often too so yeah maybe I'll share more 1 day but for now remember I'm in deep deep pain