My Anchor
My anchor pulled loose from the sand,
But how I can't quite understand.
But still somehow my boat just stays,
As my anchor drifts away.
The rope that used to hold us nigh,
Before my eyes I see untie.
My anchor then breaks free from norms,
Before my eyes as it transforms,
Becomes a bird so strong and free,
Takes flight without a glance at me.
I watch it fly away and soar,
So far can't see it anymore.
I sit alone drifting in tide,
Sad thoughts are all that's left inside.
The worst of them I can't resist,
Did my anchor even exist?
I once thought that I knew for sure,
That its would always hold secure,
Into the sand it's teeth did gnawl,
But was it really there at all?
The rope that bound us seemed not fake,
So strong that it could never break,
I look back in the river bed,
To find the place that it once tread,
Can't find the divot where it lay,
Before it changed and flew away.
I sit confused searching through tears,
Even the rope has disappeared.
I wrote that poem weeks ago. Finally got the courage to share it. A few hours later I hear the news. The man she left me for asked her to marry him. She said yes. That's a gut punch I wasn't prepared for. I'm down for the count.
That is a beautiful poem with so many layers in it.
I can understand how it all feels like a gut punch right now.
What kinds of things are you doing to care for yourself?@Derailed062024
The worst of things. Wallowing. I'm not using any substances as a crutch, but I'm also not doing anything good for my mental health. I'm just stuck in the pit at the moment.
Thank you so much for asking. That alone helped.
You may be doing more than you think. Are you eating, drinking, and sleeping okay? Just being able to handle the basics is a major triumph.
You can write here every day if you want. I try to return messages once a day. It can really help to have a place to vent. @Derailed062024
I am eating decently. Sleep is sometimes ok. But I sleep enough to get through my workday. I'm able to function there. My mind is distracted and busy. Outside of work I think obsessively about her and him together, her laying in his arms, taking his name when she promised she would take mine, at night in the dark and quiet I do the worst. But I do eventually fall asleep.
How about you? Do you struggle with depression as well? You can vent here too. I'll listen.
Nights are hard for many of us. When you get tired all sorts of bad thoughts come. Sometimes distractions can help. I try to take a walk in the evening to help manage all of my stuff.
Yes, I do suffer from depression, but it is now in the permanent condition stage rather than a crisis one. Most days I do pretty okay, but some days are harder. But I feel like I have become much stronger over time. Bad days hit hard but they don't last. But I had to work hard to get to this spot. @Derailed062024
Sometimes I feel like a weak whining baby. Like I'm complaining about a stubbed toe to people missing a leg. My depression is situational. Caused by having my heart broken. Others stay trapped in the pit all the time due to chemical imbalance or trauma. They have it harder than me. Maybe mine is more sadness than depression? I don't know. I just know I hurt and I'm not over it after more than a year. I like your idea to take walks. I live in a good neighborhood for that. I'll try it.
How long have you been in this battle?
Depression makes you compare stubbing your toe to breaking your leg unnecessarily. You are NOT a whining baby at all. You are a person in pain and that feels different to everyone. So avoid the comparisons whenever you can.
I think that I have always been susceptible to depression but situations make it much, much worse. I had a bad bout as a teenager for a few years and then had another one more recently that lasted about 6 years. But each person's struggle is different and even a few months can seem like a lifetime.
You have experienced trauma and your journey back from it is yours alone. There are no set time frames. You just keep trying to find that healing pathway. We are here to cheer you on.
