My current life
After I quit my job and considered higher studies my dad just can't stand me and has 0 respect for me, he's told some very bad stuff to me when all I wanted to do was be in a position where I don't have to listen or ask from him ever again but the exact opposite happened and being at home for 2 months now has destroyed me completely
Now he's drinking again and I just can't ignore it or act normal when it comes to him, I wanted to build a good relationship with him after all the trauma he caused us(my mom and my siblings) but I can't pretend and I can't stand him
It ruins my whole mood and I have anxiety attacks aswell I feel depressed because of this, the good news is that I'm leaving home at the end of the month but then I think about what my mom might go through cause of him
I have prayed and done all kinds of things I just want this to fall in to place and just be happy or have a normal life for once
Everyday I look forward to having a good day but whatever my dad does keeps affecting me
What do I do?
@Thinker03
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Any dad should be so proud to have hard working children with good hearts.
@Thinker03
Hello. I saw your old message looking through the recent posts you have sent.
I am sorry to hear about the difficult emotions you must be going through: feeling insufficient, confused, insecure, surrounded by people, things or actions that could make you feel like in a endless danger.
You said you were praying for a better everyday and tried everything. Do you happen to know this kind of a prayer?:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.
Too many things you have mentioned sound too familiar too my old self: abuse, feeling not accepted by a parent, drinking problem at family home, low self-esteem issues and fear of many bad things which could just be waiting to happen, not deserving any good things.
Have you tried some therapeutic activities (talking to a therapist, attending a therapy group or 12 Steps meetings, reading books) concerning the Adult Children of Alcoholics syndrome?
I believe you cannot change your parents. You have zero influence on your dad's drinking or his other harmful behaviours. You cannot save your mom, too - she must have chosen living with him long before you were born. You cannot change anything except yourself and your way of seeing the world.
I am sure you are able to have many better days. And even after experiencing the *** of living in a home where drinking and abuse were much too often... You can find your inner peace, more acceptance of people and things around you, less anxiety and more acceptance of yourself, as a valuable person, deserving love, being appreciated and self-respect.
Please, just let me know in csse you needed some direct messaging/chat with me.
