My shitty(?) father
I am 13 years old and am aware l shouldn't be feeling depression or anxiety or any of this at such a young age but l do and there isn't much to change it unless you go back in time and fix it. But either way, my father was amazing when l was younger, at least, l thought. My family (me, my mom, my sister and dad) and he turned horrible, started beating my sister, like putting her in choke holds, leaving me to watch or listen in the closet where l hid. He was always careful to not do it while my mother was present. He never attacked me in such a way but he yelled at me and hit me, which got gradually worse. Maybe he was waiting for me to be older to attack me? Idk. I recently cut him off and l miss him so much, l want him back but l wish he was dead. I miss the illusion of him being a good father. Why did he hurt me and my sister? Why did he yell at us? Why did he hate us?
@AveryKat474
This is so tragic.. Abuse is so ugly! People can make a illusion that their good people blinding you from the truth.. everybody can and will fall from grace so it's always a good idea to practice forgiveness..
Thank you for sharing! 🌲
I don’t recommend forgiveness as most understand it. I recommend understanding. Unfortunately many who were abused when young are abused when older.
You need to understand why people behave like he did and why people put up with it and what healthy people are like. That is a huge amount of phycology and therapy.
After much study you can understand why your father did it and recognise a man who was like your father but put in work to change. Accepting the changed man is different from your father is what I call forgiveness.
Please don’t accept abusers before you have learned to see those who have done the work to change.
My ex was beaten she liked me I was sent away when one and three quarters to my gran for just over a week as my mum was struggling looking after us. I learned not to get angry or i would be sent away. There will be people you can trust but you need to study human behaviour.
Whilst I don’t recommend forgiveness in the traditional sense. You do need positive things in your life safety security and if possible being a safe haven for your family who will likely have torrid times due to effects of what they have been through.
@AveryKat474
I can imagine you really would like to understand and know why. It doesn’t seem like even him would be able to explain it.
It’s good to hear you are able to stay away from him. That kind of behavior has no justification. It’s very harmful. Whatever the reasons could be, they would not change this impact. Your safety is important.
Wanna share what do you miss? Or tell more about your anxiety?
I just miss the illusion of the father l used to have but truly never existed :P
@AvaryKat474 Yhm, what about it had value for you?