Need advice

Lately, I’ve been feeling lost, overwhelmed, and emotionally exhausted. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with me, but I feel like I’m going through depression, anxiety, and constant overthinking. Even small things make me cry or want to scream. I can’t focus in life, in studies, or even at the gym. My energy crashes, and I feel drained all the time.

I struggle with people — I feel socially anxious, weird, and disconnected. Even at home, I don’t feel emotionally close to my family. My mom never hugged me. I don’t talk to my brother or dad. My sisters are close to each other, but I’m always the outsider. People say things like “you’re being defensive” or “you want attention,” and it hurts because I’m just trying to survive.

Because I don’t have anyone to talk to, I started using random chatting apps just to tell strangers how my day went. Some of them became good friends, like Ahmed and Afi, but still, I can’t share everything with them either. I feel like if I share too much, people will either leave or just give fake sympathy.

There was someone named Abubakar. We had a deep connection, but it turned toxic. He only wanted physical things, not emotional support. He called me attention-seeker and psycho. I kept blocking him, but it left a scar. I still feel guilty for even talking to him.

In university, I feel even more left out. I have just one friend who is mostly absent. I see others bonding deeply, while I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I overthink constantly — even in sleep, my brain doesn’t stop. I feel like I’m drowning in my own head.

I’m not studying well, not earning, not doing projects. I feel like a failure — a burden. I hate that I’m not moving forward in life. Spiritually too, I feel disconnected. I want to be a good Muslim, avoid wrong things, and live with purpose, but I keep failing. I feel distant from Allah even though I want to be close.

I also have deep insecurities — I feel I can’t speak English properly, my accent and skin tone make me self-conscious. I even tried to join an online platform to tutor but got stuck at the last step because I couldn’t record a video. I just don’t have the confidence anymore.

Everything feels heavy. Every part of my life is stuck — emotionally, mentally, spiritually, academically. I’m trying to hold on, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this alone.