Need a little help

I’m 18f and a senior in high school. I’ve been struggling with mental illnesses for most of my life. I think it started when my mom had schizophrenia and was an alcoholic, and the things she did to me traumatized me. From there I had anxiety, then a few years ago I had terrible religious OCD to the point I couldn’t eat, sleep, ***, or leave the house. I would also bang my head over and over. After a while my OCD symptoms began to get a lot better. But then I found myself to be really depressed and I’ve had to go to a mental hospital about 6 times. I used to be so good in school, so intelligent and I would win so many awards for different academic achievements. Now I’m just behind, barely making it by. Watching everyone getting accepted in to amazing colleges and achieving so much in school makes me so jealous and angry and dreadful. My one goal in life was being successful in high school and college. When my mom died last January, things just progressively got worse and I can feel myself falling apart. And sometimes I find it actually unbelievable how many terrible things have happened back to back in my 18 years of being here. I hate that I’m not doing well in school because other people have been through things too but they’re still pushing themselves. Ive never felt so depressed in my life and I think about dying every day. I try to work myself up to do more productive or social things but it’s like I can’t control that terrible dread that’s lingering at all times. It literally eats me up inside. I feel like I’m going to end up just like my mom who tried so hard but just ended up drinking herself to death. I really really need help I don’t know what to do from here.