New to 7 Cups (And Why I'm Here)

I really don't know how to start... Hello, I suppose. This is the first I've not only been on 7 Cups, but really any real forum that I can recall, at least not one provided by an educator.

I'm 36, he/him. Born and raised in a small town of about 10,000 people... and to be frank, 2022 has been the hardest year of my life... and I've been having a hard time dealing with it all.

I should specify that I'm not new to anxiety or depression. I had a mental breakdown in a college classroom after being publicly shamed by the professor, but in truth, the devil I've known by name since 2008 is one that I had known for as long as I can remember... that's a story for another time.

So 2022, what did it do to earn the award for "Hardest Year So Far"? Biggest reason, I lost my father very suddenly to cancer. After a month of bouncing between hospitals and nursing homes, spending 70% of my time either in his room or in a hotel, we were told he had about 2-3 months... he lived another two weeks.

Since then, I've taken on the financial responsibilities for my mother, as she didn't feel comfortable doing so, having never had to deal with their finances. So all of the collections, the utilities, taxes, learning all about hospice, medicare, social security... that's been me.

My personal life doesn't exactly provide respite. Been single most of my adult life, trust issues and low self-esteem to thank for that. Most days, I feel my roommate tolerates my existence. I struggle to find time for leasure, and the one thing I've been trying to do, run a non-profit fan-based charity that I'll not name here, feels more and more like a failure of a project I struggle to find time for..

Finally, professionally my life has seen an uptick, but that intself is a stressor. I recently became promoted to a new job after working in factory for 10 years. Again, story for another time. I now work in an office position, working as a bill collector of sorts, though only dealing with corporations. Thing is, I like the gig well enough, but the tasks rely either on a skillset I've not used in a decade, or is based solely on a background in finance, something I lack. So the learning curve has been pretty steep, and given my predisposition to anxiety as it is, the very act of "new" was enough to cause me to panic.

So, I suppose to summarize, I'm dealing with grief, burdens of a provider of sorts, feelings of loneliness, and constant stress from something most would see as a positive... and of course, holiday stress. Anyway, I suppose that's enough from me, I'm sure it's not a wholly unique description of a life post-covid, and I can't imagine how long this thing is as it stands. Honestly don't know if I'll find help with 7 Cups, but... as I'm realizing that I find myself at a near breaking point, hopefully I can at least use this post to say to anyone else having a rough time, you're not alone.

If you managed to read all this, consider me suprised... and thanks for paying a small amount of attention to me.