Really struggling

So I'm new here and honestly I am really struggling with it all. I have been dealing with depression for a very long time and I've been trying to figure out how to connect with people. Even this post is proving to be way more difficult than I would like...I am very lonely and I just don't know how to keep going when I've felt this way for so long...I have been in survival mode since early childhood and I'm in my 40s so at this point I'm not sure what anything else even looks like no idea who I am or what I'm doing...I don't have any friends and the only adult I talk to is my wife and as I continue to descend into madness that proves to be more and more difficult...I'm at the point now where it's been months since I have even left the house...I could go on forever about the things wrong in my life but I've got to stop here and post this or I'll end up chickening out and deleting the whole thing...