Relationship breakup

hi everyone, I’m new to this so apologises.

around a month ago the girl who I always wanted to spend my life with broke up with me. We had been tricky for a while, and I’ll own up to it and say it was all me that ruined it due to my bpd which I had no idea about. Now I feel severely depressed as she was everything to me, I don’t want too move on, and never do want too, yet she tells me too and I am always crying as she was the only one too of made me feel loved.

What can I do? I always feel guilt and regret for how I was as I hurt her badly. I promised her I’d change but I never did-

I feel terrible about it all and just wish she gave me a chance to show her i’ve changed. Yet she doesn’t want too see it. I understand and respect her decision as I caused all of this. I love her deeply and forever will- people say there’s more fish in the sea but it felt like she was the only fish in the sea as I didn’t want anyone else when I saw her.

I ruined her and our relationship, i hate myself so much for it. Yes there were times where she triggered my bpd and anger but it’s my fault for the reaction, right?