Ship
Sinking ship
I feel like my time to get it right is running thin, I feel like the worst person in the world, I know that’s dramatic.. and I know im not. But the way things have been going, the way I been feeling… the decisions I’ve been making, im a mess.. and I don’t know how to fix this anymore. I dug myself too deep and I didn’t even realize. Everyone is gone, and anyone new stays away. It’s like something they can all see but to me it’s invisible. I wish I knew what I do so wrong.. that even people walking down the street a mile away can see it. It’s becoming so uncomfortable to be outside, to be around others. I guess I can’t really think of a time when it wasn’t. My heart is broken and I actually wish I was invisible. That’d be way better than having to constantly pretend I don’t see all the reactions happening around me. Just so that I could get to point A to point B without my entire being causing such commotion. Maybe it’s the color of my skin, maybe it’s the way I do my makeup or the way I walk but all signs point to me as the problem. So I try to play it small, but unfortunately I look how I look and I can’t hide, and a lot of the times that just makes it worse when I try to. I feel like the world places so much judgement, assumptions biases , by the time I even say a word , their mind is already made up about who I am and they act accordingly. I’ve noticed and come to pick up on all the little and sometimes big things people do in response to me just walking down the same street as them. It’s worse at work.. imust really be the problem. Idk
@reliableFriend8097
I don’t think you are being dramatic, at all. I think you’re feeling a lot, and it’s weighing you down. What you’re describing sounds incredibly overwhelming. To feel like you’ve done something wrong just by being you, that you must be the problem. I hope you can hear me: you are not the problem. You are trying so hard and it’s exhausting. You want people to see you for you, this amazing human that wants and deserves to be accepted. You said it feels like even people down the street can see it a mile away. I am sure I’m many miles away, and all I see is this incredible person who deserves to be appreciated and celebrated and deserves to show themselves kindness too. I am glad you are not invisible, I am glad you are here. People who are passing you by don’t know what they are missing out on. I can only imagine that when it feels like you are being judged before you even say something, you wouldn’t want to be around others. I wouldn’t want to be around people that I felt were making assumptions or giving off cues that they are judging me. And it would probably make me feel really bad about how I think of myself. You deserve kindness from others and you deserve to give yourself kindness, too. You are you, and I want to honor that. Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry that you are going through so much right now.
