Still navigating

@blueprint25

Everybody thinks catharsis like crying is a sign of really bad problems but for me it was the beginning of health. Sometimes a good yell when pushing a little beyond pain while running also is the beginning of health, preventative action that I do regularly now. The yell brings the peace afterwards much more than the run by itself. You choose very, very selectively who to share your emotions with, and sometimes by yourself, even yelling into a pillow, singing loud in the shower when nobody is home, produces those same calm endorphins. It takes a really exceptional wife to be the best person to confide to, honestly. A guy friend or even a blog like this is often a better choice, because she needs to see you be steady for her to feel secure. But those that keep everything inside, and have no place to vent, get more and more sick. When I was outwardly calm all the time, I was in the most trouble. 

I also found that pills that worked, they did so right away, or at the most up to 10 days to notice feeling normal again. I had to go through alot of tries and fails, and just showed up at the doctors and said this isn't working. If I couldn't see them promptly and they clearly made me worse, I stopped. It's still your body, and you're in charge. Keep fighting. It took me a long time to feel normal, neutral, just a regular day, and I'm really happy that I stuck with so many trials until I found what apparently my body was missing to feel normal. It's worth it, I can feel you fighting and pushing that rock up hill and you’re doing a great job…keep fighting. I'm putting this laptop down and praying for you right now, I really am.