Struggling
I’m going through an extremely difficult time after discovering that my husband cheated on me. For the past 7–8 months, I felt like I was being made to believe that everything wrong in our marriage was because of me, only to later find out that he had been unfaithful. When I found out, I asked him to leave, but because of family pressure and seeing how devastated the kids were, he came back after a few days. He says he will no longer have contact with the other woman, but I’m struggling deeply with the betrayal, rejection, hurt, and manipulation I experienced. At the same time, I feel this enormous responsibility to hold my family together, protect my children, act happy and normal in front of them, and do things to make him feel comfortable, even though I’m still hurting so much myself. Trying to process everything that happened while carrying the pressure of keeping my family together is taking a huge mental and emotional toll on me.
@peachSquare9544
Oh my?!? You are dealing with so much... I hope things work out the way you wish.. We're here to listen..🌲
I sometimes don’t know how to cope with all this and how to give it time. Any tips?
I sometimes don’t know how to cope with all this and how to give it time. Any tips?
@peachSquare9544 It must be really stressful for you. I think about how exhausted you must be.
It is really something that you want to give your family a chance.
I would want to suggest that it still might need to be done without abandoning yourself. You want to protect the kids from the drama, chaos, bad feelings, being afraid etc. I feel it might be more successful if you are honest with them. Like what is happening to you and your husband is a real life. The difficult part of it. What if you can let your kids see that there are problems in life. To let them see what it looks like to struggle but try your best. To let them see what it takes to repair broken trust and how important is respectful communication in it. Could this be better for them then feeling that something is off while they are being told everything is ok? One is teaching them real life values and honesty, the other might confuse them and make them question their own intuition.
I suppose it would need to be communicated to them in the language they can understand. And do not sound like "everything is collapsing" but rather "we are struggling but working on the problems because our family matters".
I personally believe it is healthier to be respectfully transparent about difficult emotions, let them be processed together, don't make them a tabu with which everyone needs to hide their part in themselves.
And with your husband. Trying to respectfully communicate is one thing. Making your pain smaller for his comfort is another. It seems to be part of his responsibility to own the pain he caused you and do his best to amend the broken trust.
Thank you, this really validates. I’m thinking of focusing on my healing and being respectful. Sometimes I get stuck in the cycle of control, want to know if he’s still talking to her, then I hate myself for doing those things because I know I should just focus on myself. Today I learned healing is not linear and that helps , I was thinking I wasn’t making progress but I think I am. I do have my moments and moments get the worst of me sometimes.