Struggling with loneliness , stress and a lot more

Hey! I’m a student, I’ve been pursuing a course that my family wanted me to do. but unfortunately I couldn’t excel in it, eventually I had to discontinue it halfway. I am facing a lot of pain since years. I get no proper affection/ attention from my family since childhood. I’ve grown so distant from my family. They constantly misunderstand me in every single situation and atp, I couldn't even tell them anything and it’s like I behave in a totally different way when I’m with them. And I can only be myself when I’m alone with the very few friends whom I trust. So now when I failed a test, my parents keep demotivating me saying I wouldn’t be able to excel in whatever course I take in future , destroying the last bit of confidence in me. And after listening to their negative words, I’ve now began to doubt myself whether I could do it. Also they’ve always told me stuffs like I wish I were never born, and keeps comparing me with other kids since years. So I’ve been hearing all these comments from them since a very long time and atp, I keep thinking whether I should continue to live as a failure I already am rn. And I also feel like my family doesn’t want me either and its like if they’re just using me to just boast in front of other people saying things like “ my daughter is gonna be a doctor “ and not actually caring about what I actually wanna be or study.