TW / Substance use

Im going down hill again.......Anxity isnt mangeable anymore depression is getting worse and worse day by day. I haven't poped pills in a good 2 weeks but I have never been more tempted to pop pills. I wanna crawl into a ball and cry until I cant cry though the only time I know Im not gonna pass 9th I'm just worthless and cant do *** how can i ever get to collage if I already have all E's and I cant breathe I cant and everyone says I should be okay. I love my family and friends but this is a lot how can i be okay yet stress every little detail i fuvking hate every thing and my self....