Trying to Stay Grounded While Everything Feels Heavy
I’m a veteran living with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and anxiety. Lately everything feels like it is getting heavier, and I’m having a hard time carrying it.
Suicide thoughts have been coming up several times a week for the last month. I don’t have a any plan, but the thoughts are not always quick to leave or easy to push away. Sometimes they stay with me for a long time. It feels like I just want quiet, or peace, or like maybe the people around me would have less stress if I was not here.
Old military memories are coming back more clearly now, and it feels like my mind is getting overwhelmed from every direction.
I am going to share this with my support team, but I also wanted to write here because I need support from people who understand. I am looking for ideas on what helps when the thoughts get stronger, especially when my mind gets foggy and I do not feel fully grounded.
Thank you,
William
Just want to say about suicidal thoughts. The thoughts themselves and action are completly different things. It offen happens ordinary people have suicidal thoughts and it even does not bother them. I have too }, and yes, that thoughts might be sometimes very annoing but the don't threaten my existence.
Since you live with with PTSD you may clear it out. For example, do you have just thoughts or strong intentions?... Do you imagine life witout yourself being alife?
Domething like that.
I am not a proffesional at PTSD, just reason how it may work as a person with 12 year term depresion with suicidal thoughts.
And what's more i had to start completely change my mind, my consciousness and ego to get rid of that thoghts gradually. Working directly with thoughts led to nothing.
I understand what you mean about thoughts and actions being different. Right now I do not have a real plan, but the thoughts are still worrying me because they are happening several times a week and sometimes they stay for a while.
It is not only a quick passing thought. Sometimes I imagine that I would finally have peace if I was gone, or that the people around me would have less stress without me. I do not want to act on it, but the thoughts feel heavier than before.
I have also started having self-harm urges again, especially thoughts about cutting. I have not acted on them recently, but it worries me because they are showing up during the day and even in a dream.
@WilliamPeters
Ok, i will ask you what have you tried to to cope with your PTSD?
And what else, as my expirience says i can'r get my suicidal thougts going away by themselves. I have been working on my whole individuality and then it helps.
In my perspective the trick about that thoughts is that they have some strange appeal, peperhaps because they secretly promise us relief from suffering. But it is a trap.
For PTSD, I have tried breathing, writing things down, visual reminders, alarms, routines, walking, talking with my wife, peer support, counseling, psychiatrist treatment, and medication. Some things help a little, but lately the thoughts still come back when I am foggy, tired, ashamed, or overwhelmed.
@WilliamPeters
Not bad, but not enough, i understand your approach and why it doesnt always help.
What is for sure, there is somewhere your own way to overcome your suffering, and probably it is not in the external manifistations, it it is your in inner world. Try to find it, because it only matters, even you think it's a nonsense.
