Trying to fill the void

Every time summer vacation starts I'd fall into a kind of depressive state. I wouldn't eat much, I'd sleep all day, I'd stay up late, and I'd just let the days go by. Last summer I met someone wonderful, and for the first time, I felt what it was like to love someone (romantically) and be TRULY attracted to that person.

Now he's gone.

And I've been looking for another guy, just wanting to find someone else that sweet, but I've only found men who are looking for something sxual, their own ways but with the same intention. I've tried to fill that void with many of them but I can't get to feel attached to them (no matter how handsome or talkative) LESS in the way they want, because I know what is that they're looking for, instead I feel absolutely nothing.

I think I'm used to the world disappointing me, but summer vacation is back and with it this feeling of loneliness, high school is over too and that only amplifies it.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, I feel that nobody really sees me anymore, that nobody cares enough and that everything is going wrong because this is what I deserve.