Voicing out to the Void
Hello to all. I hope you've been having a good day so far, and if you haven't, I hope it can improve soon enough.
I usually hate posting in public spaces like these as I feel other people deserve the attention more than I'll ever feel worthy of, but I find myself nearing a breaking point.
I find it important to highlight that I'm not asking for advice. Ideally I'd also like to say I don't want the attention, but the irrational side of me wants to feel like my words have any meaning to anyone in the slightest.
I know the way I'm thinking is nothing new and others have experienced similarly or worse, but I feel it eating me from the inside. Feelings of inadequacy, wanting to feel love despite the fact that I do have a loving partner, unable to shake the feeling of nothing feeling worth the time and effort anymore.
I feel there's more bothering my mind, but even what I've written so far feels more than I'd like to share. It's taking a lot out of me to convince myself that maybe voicing how I feel to a random group of people could help, even if I know it won't technically solve anything. I just feel scatterbrained at this point.
Apologies for the venting, I do hope whoever takes the time to read this is doing well for themselves, and whether or not a response is made, I still appreciate the time taken to read through. Let's keep trying as best we can.
@sirveru Hey! Please don't ever consider your problems to be less worthy of attention than others. Everyone is fighting their own battles and everyone's battles are difficult for them in their own ways. I am glad you decided to vent out here. I would like to know more about the issues that you are facing. It's absolutely okay to seek help when it's needed. Take care!
I appreciate your kind words. It's a mindset that's been stuck with me for a long time at this point, something I'm unable to shake off, the whole "being unworthy of attention" thing. I've hurt some good friends of mine in various ways and although I still am seeking ways of self improvement to learn from my mistakes, I feel myself unable to accept any form of forgiveness. I don't think I'm deserving of it, even if I know these are simply things that happened in the past. I feel it would be unfair to those I've hurt, so it's like a self-inflicted punishment that I can't manage to break my mindset away from. I hope that makes sense, feels almost like I'm just saying whatever comes to mind in the moment.
@sirveru I can understand what you are going through. If you have hurt some of your close friends, talking to them and apologizing for it can help you a lot. Sometimes the other person has already moved on from the mistake we made and we keep punishing ourselves. Also sometimes just a simple apology might be something your friends are waiting for. It would help you get rid of this burden. If you apologize, no matter how they respond, you have done your job and you need not engage in this self inflicted punishment anymore. You are a great person because you actually regret making those mistakes, even if they were pretty innocuous. So don't be so harsh on yourself.
@sirveru hi you ❤ I'm lola. No matter how hard or how easy someone's had it, don't matter who's rich or who's poor, we all struggle, we all suffer and feel the same ways. You are worthy of support and love just as much as anyone else. Venting is good for you, this is a safe place, so feel free to vent any time you need. Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ we all here for you ❤
Nice to meet you, Lola. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply, even if it's not something that you needed to do. It's very much appreciated. I'll do my best to at least attempt to vent when I feel it needed, although I'm worried I'll sound frequently like a broken record, saying the same things over and over. I'm just uncertain how I should react when these feelings come back constantly, sometimes without a trigger. I can be aware of how irrational it might be, but be unable to change how it makes me feel either way. Forgive the long response, though, just felt the need to voice it out. I hope you're doing well too, I would like to think we're all in here together trying to get by as best we can.
@sirveru that's right sweetie, your not alone we are all here together trying our best ❤ I sound like a broken record when I vent to, so don't worry. It's hard to understand our emotions and feelings, so I can sympathise with you for that. But even if you repeat the same things, venting can help you put it in perspective, while receiving the support you need and deserve. Never be afraid to speak up ok? We are all here for you ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤squeezes you tightly