Wanting to get revenge
TW: suicide, abuse
Hey everyone, I hope you're doing well. I have been having thoughts of revenge lately. My parents were and are still abusive. They made my life so bad, and I thought about taking mine for a long time. I even tried to talk to them about it, as a kid, but they just laughed at my face. They hit me physically and made me worthless. I still live with them(I didn't even go to college yet, because here hs lasts until 18) and it's so painful being around them. Everyday, I am reminded how worthless I am and every other bad things they can think of. I am desperately struggling to hold on to life. I am trying to find whatever motivation I can find to keep going, and thinking about it I have many reasons to keep trying and fighting. But I still can't understand why my parents are doing this to me. I'm their only child. My dad shows affection to the family cat but not me. I feel like a loser, who did nothing in life. I'm so young, yet already a damn failure. I just don't get, why I had this life circumstances. I don't wanna sound like I'm complaining (I hate doing it now) but I am just trying to understand why someone's better off in life than others. Why someone's born into a loving family, and others into abusive households. I guess there is no explanation to this. I'm not religious so please don't give me advices based on religion.
I just think life is unfair, and it's now our responsibility to make it better, and also not become a bitter person. I wanna help others and share my story because with think it can be therapeutic to me, knowing that I made a positive impact on someone. I tried to do an *** account where I would post advices on how to not give up on yourself when you're having a hard time, but it didn't really work and ironically I gave up. Now I think about trying again, because I just really wanna put this energy into something and I wanna help people so bad. I've been hurt so bad by the people I trusted so now I wanna help whoever needs it.
Or I should just help myself first and completely heal before doing anything else. I just don't know. The main reason for me staying here is some amazing you tubers that provide me comfort and rather good advice so I want to be like them and provide some comfort to those in need. Maybe one day.
This post is very chaotic and messy, but I needed an outlet for all these thoughts.
Hello @schrodingerscattt
I’m really sorry to hear that you've been going through such a rough time with your parents. It takes a lot of guts to share your experiences, and I think it's awesome that you reached out. I get why you might feel like getting back at them, but I think it's important to focus on your own well-being and healing first. Taking care of yourself is super important, and you definitely deserve to find peace and happiness.
It's really cool that you want to help others, and I believe that one day you'll be able to make a positive impact on those who need it. Just remember to be patient with yourself and rely on people you trust or professionals who can help you through this healing process.
Your thoughts might be all over the place right now, but expressing yourself is a good first step toward finding clarity and understanding.
I wish you all the best.
Jem7Cups
@schrodingerscattt Hey buddy. Asking why we have the parents we do is like asking why a boulder is in our path. The boulder is just there, from events you could trace all the way back in time to the Big Bang. Running into it head first isn’t going to move it or make our pain any less. Your parents are the boulder and the path around them is the one to take. Your parents don’t know how to manage their own suffering and that’s why they can’t give you something better. They have their own boulders past and present they are running into. If you engage in revenge, if you protest that they are unfair, you just run into old boulders with them. This is a very human problem. Life is full of boulders and humans insist on a frontal attack and then ask why they are all bruised. Worse yet they get angry at themselves or others for being bruised. The gravity of your boulder will weaken and eventually you’ll be able to walk around it. You’ll feel stronger yourself, more in control and you’ll feel forgiveness for the boulder. You’ll encounter other boulders, and you’ll have to relearn the lesson not to run into it. Over time you’ll choose the wiser path around. You’ll see the boulder just as you see all other emotional obstacles, just a phenomenon in our universe (the internal private universe all of us humans must navigate).
@FlatenedByLife
i'm replying so late but your answer is really helpful. You're so wise! Thank you so much. Your answer enlightened my brain or something😂 I genuinely love the way you think. And your analogy wasn't terrible at all, it was amazing. How come you're so wise? What's your secret?😂
I think i will come back to this daily until i know it by heart. It's THE advice i need right now. I'm gonna hire you as my professional adviser😎
