Where did I go wrong

Hello, if you are reading this, I don't expect you to know how to help. I feel like everything is going to *** with my life. I am a 17 year old boy who lost both of his parents, and I live with my grandparents who don't think I really have a problem. To most I'm quiet, kind, and respectful.

To most, except myself. I don't know why, I feel unworthy and unwanted. All of my past relationships went up in gasoline fueled flames. I have friends yet I feel unseen. I get afraid to ask for help because I don't want to cast my problems on others. I don't contribute much to life so why should I be here? I try my best to help others yet I feel like they don't try to help or even understand were my head is at. I've had several problems with addiction and it seems like a temporary solution but that's not enough. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be enough for my family. I want to be a social butterfly with others. I want to attain these things the seem just out of reach. Now I don't know when (or if) this will find the right person. But I hope it's soon because I can't take much more of this. Thank you for listening.