Why am I like this?
Today I started a list on all the reasons why I should be happy that I exist and why I shouldn't... and it's actually scary how my shouldn't list is double of my should list. I feel so lost in life and honestly don't see a future for me anymore. I just want to snap out of it and be who I was before - happy, smart and never letting anything get to me. Now I just stare at a wall wondering what happened.
I just want everything to go back to how they were. I'm so sick of this
I can imagine how frightening it can be see how much of your shouldn’t list is so large, but I do see that you have some reasons to live even if the shouldn’t list is huge. That’s still something even if it’s tiny.
I can hear how exhausting life has been for you. You miss being that old self of your’s, and it makes sense. Things used to be more carefree and didn’t get to you. It can be so tempting to compare to the past because the present feels so empty, but I still commend you on going forward despite how much you’ve lost. I can’t say where life will take you, but even if innocence is lost, perhaps there’s still enough reasons to keep going until you find a better place. It doesn’t require many reasons to live. All it takes is one, and it still sounds like you have something there.